


Cosmic Lust

by Aeon



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Imprinting, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 21:23:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeon/pseuds/Aeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jacob Black imprints on Edward, and Paul on Bella. And in which vampire, werewolf and human all learn that fighting an imprint can have dire consequences. Can each set aside their differences, prejudices and fears to make the situation work?</p><p>Also: Rosalie and Emmett are going through a gangster hip-hop phase. Esme would really just love someone to feed real food. Alice is oddly aroused by gay wolves and Sam and Emily are hiding identical smoking habits from each other. And Leah is moody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. with your feet in the air and your head in the ground

_Happiness hit her like a train on a track._

_Coming towards her, stuck still, no turning back._

_She hid around corners, and she hid under beds._

_She killed it with kisses and from it she fled._

_With every bubble she sank with a drink,_

_And washed it away down the kitchen sink._

_The dog days are over._

 

If Jacob Black were to associate a feeling with Florence + the Machine, it would be love. He just... related to her music. It sounded corny, he knew (and that’s why he kept it at the very back of his mind when phased), but it was true. It was loud, dramatic, violent and passionate, but also primal and just a little dark. Mostly he just liked being an idiot and flinging his arms around violently as he listened to it.

Moreover, it reminded him just a little of Bella. He sighed. Bella. If there was ever a loaded word, it was Bella. The way he felt about her was... it was consuming, in such a way that was sometimes detrimental to his mental health. Her presence was addictive. He loved the way she trusted him. He loved her mind. He loved her eyes. He even loved the way she stammered like a blithering idiot when she was confused, or frustrated, or hungry. He loved Bella. Well, at least he thought he did.

But as luck would have it, he was stuck in the friend zone all thanks to that blood-sucking douchebag Edward Cullen. He hated Edward. And not even just because he was a blood-sucking undead monster that he was biologically programmed to hate – oh, it went much deeper than that. He hated his smell. He hated his pretentious stick-up-their-arse family. He even hated the name. Edward. Eddie. Ed. It was the type of name that Jacob associated with tea-partying, doily-loving, red-haired, buck-toothed, prim and proper British tools. He chuckled to himself, before saying it again ten times fast.

He was excited that he was getting to see Bella today. She had promised that Edward would be away on a hunting trip – leaving just the two of them to spend some quality friend time together.

The phone rang, snapping Jacob from his trance. For the first time he realised that he was wet. The glass that he had been filling with orange juice was now over-flowing, spilling down the counter and on to the crotch of his pants. ‘Great,’ he mumbled to himself, turning off the CD player and walking over to the phone. He snatched the phone from its hook and shoved it to hiss ear as he searched his surroundings for something that might aid in the drying of his pants.

‘Hello?’ He asked.

‘Jake, it’s Leah.' Bitch sounded awfully chirpy.

‘Why do you sound so happy?’ Jacob replied absently as he spotted a stray sock poking out of his bedroom door.

‘What? I can’t be happy for no reason?’ She retorted.

‘Nope’, Jacob said lightly, but firmly. He walked over to the sock, but found that something held him back, just out of reach. As with everything in Jacob’s house, the phone was ancient. The phone wasn’t even new (or old?) enough to be blessed with a cord that stretched.

‘Whatever, arse-face,’ Leah sighed.

‘I love you too,’ Jacob beamed. With his ear still connected to the phone Jacob leaned toward the sock. Still out of reach. He stuck his foot out to the pull the sock closer to him, but the cursed sock was still too far away. ‘So... what do you want?’

‘Sam wanted me to tell you that he wants us all over his house by 6.00. Some sort of meeting, or whatever.’

The sock was just teasing Jacob now. Damn phone. Damn Leah. The orange juice was starting to become quite sticky between his thighs. ‘Uh-huh,’ he mumbled, deep in concentration. He reached his leg out again, willing it to grow just an extra couple of centimetres.

‘Are you even listening to me?’ Leah grumbled.

‘Yeah, yeah. Meeting. 6.00. Got it.’

There was a pause.

‘What are you doing?’ Leah asked suspiciously.

But before he could answer the phone ripped clean away from the wall, pulling with it, what Jacob guessed to be, cords necessary to be connected while trying to use the phone. ‘Trying to dry my wet patch,’ Jacob said in a defeated grumpy tone. He inspected the damage. ‘Balls,’ he whispered to himself.

His father wheeled out of his room, looking at the phone and then at Jacob. Then at the phone, again. Followed by the orange juice spill in the kitchen, and then at the wet patch on Jacob’s shorts. ‘Jacob,’ his father sighed heavily, grumbling as he wheeled himself back into his room.

Jacob walked back into the kitchen. After sucking as much orange juice off of the bench as possible, he retrieved a dish towel from one the drawers and began mopping up the left overs. Orange juice and phone be damned! He was going to have a good day, dammit. The day was his oyster! Or whatever the expression was.

***

It took a lot of sticky tape, a lot of solder, and a lot of patience to fix that phone – but he did it. He couldn’t fix the fact that it now hung loosely from the wall... but on the plus side, his dad would be able to reach it better from his wheelchair now. Jacob walked outside into the fresh morning’s air, however not before tripping over a stray boot and face-planting straight into the dirt. His nose made a large crack on impact.

‘SON-OF-A-BITCH!’ Jacob roared. He stood up quickly, cursing and hissing in pain. Blood ran down his bare chest and on to his shorts. He tilted his head back. He took a couple of deep breaths. The pain started to ebb. He thanked the heavens for his accelerated healing.

He looked down at the mess he had just made. ‘Oh, man. This is just not my day.’ Stupid orange juice. Stupid phone. Stupid sock. Stupid boot. Stupid PANTS!

Billy wheeled himself to the front door, a worried expression spreading over his face. He looked him up and down, noting the drying blood on his chest and pants. ‘Jacob,’ he sighed again, shaking his head as he wheeled himself to the couch.

***

Unwilling to let the events of the morning bring down his bright mood, Jacob quickly got changed and cleaned up so he could get back up on the horse. Now, that expression he understood. He looked hesitantly out at the forest. He decided that maybe running to Bella’s house through the thick forest wasn’t a good idea. Not today, anyway.

He looked over at his motorcycle. And then at the forest. Risk it! He ran over to the motorcycle, jumping on and starting the ignition. It huffed... and then it puffed... and then nothing happened. He tried again. It wheezed. And then nothing.

‘STUPID BIKE!’

He sighed, taking off his clothes before strapping them to his ankle. He phased.

 _Morning Jake!_ Seth’s thoughts beamed into Jacob’s.

_Hey Seth! How’s patrol going?_

_Boring._ Paul’s thoughts barrelled into Jacob’s head like a steam train.

 _I asked Seth._ Jacob retorted, walking toward the tree line of the forest.

 _Not bad!_ Seth beamed back. _I’m enjoying the sun – it’s a great day today!_

Which probably means all the blood suckers have retreated back to their tombs. Paul chuckled.

Hopefully, Jacob thought absently. That would mean that Edward definitely wouldn’t be there when he got to Bella’s house. Maybe. Hopefully. No, definitely. Dammit, his day with Bella was gonna be a good turn around to the morning’s unfortunate events.

 _Why what happened this morning?_ Seth asked, worriedly.

 _Don’t count on it. The swan girl and the leech are inseparable._ Paul’s thoughts overlapped Seth’s.

Jacob ignored them both. He knew that Seth had already seen the phone and nose incident swim to the surface of his thoughts. Jacob took a deep breath before beginning his run. He leaped over a log, passed the tree line and raced into the forest. He ducked under low trees and leaped over fallen ones, navigating his way through the thick scrub with the practiced skill of someone who had done it over a million times. And he had. Well, maybe not that many. But he had certainly been taking the same route to Bella’s for many many months now. He knew every obstacle on the way, and how to avoid it. Well, at least he thought he did until he collided head first with a rock. Jacob yelped.

 _Ahahaha!!!_ Paul’s laughter sirened through his head.

 _Are you okay?_ Seth asked, suppressing a small chuckle.

_What the fuck?! I swear to God, there wasn’t a rock there a day ago? What the hell? Seriously?!_

Paul’s laughter continued, somehow managing to get even louder and curiously faster.

 _It’s not that funny_ , Jacob growled.

 _Sorry, Jake,_ Seth said brightly, but it is a little funny.

Stupid rock.

Jacob got back on that damn fucking horse... again. He picked up his run, wary of his surroundings.

 _Do you know when Quill is on patrol next?_ Seth asked.

 _Dunno_ , Paul replied.

Jacob didn’t bother answering. He was much too pissed off at his morning to care about anything anymore. All he cared about was reaching Bella’s house.

 _Why, so she can cuddle it all better?_ Paul teased.

 _Fuck off, Paul._ Jacob retorted.

 _Awh, Jacob. Is that anyway to speak to your pack mate?_ Paul snigged.

 _So! Meeting at 6.00, huh? Wonder what it’s about? I hope there’s food._ Seth said quickly, trying to quell the fighting.

 _Butt out, Paul. I’ll do whatever the fuck I wanna do,_ Jake snapped, leaping over another rock in his path. _Yeah, fuck you, rock._ Jacob thought proudly.

 _I don’t know why you insist on torturing yourself, Jake. You know she’s hot for leeches. You and Bella are never going to happen. Just give up. I’m sick of hearing thoughts about her._ Paul pressed.

_Were you dropped on your head as a baby, Paul? Why do you care so much?_

_Because you thinking about Bella all day... that affects my day! I don’t wanna hear about that leech-loving tart anymore._ Paul snapped back.

 _Typical Paul – only thinking about himself,_ Jacob hissed. _And don’t talk about Bella like that!_

_Truth hurts, Jacob._

_Fuck your truth. Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. Keep your fucking mind out of mine, or--,_

_Or what?_

_I’ll beat the crap out of you, Paul. You know that I can_.

Just then something hit Jacob. He flew off the track he was running on, smashing through a tree, and landing on jagged rock. Stupid rocks!

He looked up, surprised even though he already knew what had hit him. _All right, Jake. Bring it._ Paul growled, playfulness in his tone.

 _Guys! Don’t!!_ Seth yelled.

Jacob picked himself off of the ground, a deep guttural growl emerging from his throat.

_You are such a douchebag, Jake! You should just let her go off and die with the blood suckers. That way they’ll be out of our lives, and we won’t have to patrol our borders every night._

Jacob was lost for words. He didn’t want to think about Bella leaving with Edward. He didn’t want to think about her without a beating heart. With cold skin, and venomous blood.

_I’m so fucking sick of you, Paul!_

Seth howled.

Jacob lunged at Paul, snapping at his throat. The two wolves rolled around the forest, smashing through trees while biting at each other’s limbs. Paul managed to get a hold of one of Jacob’s legs, he clamped down his jaw. Jacob yelped. He snapped at one of Paul’s ears.

As they pushed each other around the forest, snapping their jaw’s at each other, they each got the sense that what had started out as a bit of angry playfulness was turning into something else. But then it ended. With his jaw, Jacob ripped a tree from the ground and hurled it at Paul. Paul’s eyes went wide as he saw the tree coming at him.

It broke around his head, but not before pushing him off the edge of the landing they had been wrestling on. It wasn’t a long drop, at least not for a wolf... but as soon as Jacob heard the howl and the crunch, he knew that Paul had broken something.

***

Bella checked her watch again. 2.00. Jacob was very late. She was sat on the stairs outside her house, tapping her foot impatiently. Was he standing her up? She knew that they still had some bad blood between them after their last fight, but this was definitely no way to treat a lady of her calibre. Edward would never stand her up. She gasped as she thought of his touch. She had seen him yesterday, but she wouldn’t get to see him until he got home from his hunting trip in a few hours.

‘BELLA!’

She heard Jacob’s voice. It was urgent, flustered. She frowned. Three hours late. She put her angry face on.

‘BELLA!’ Jacob called out again.

‘JACOB BLACK,’ she yelled, standing up and walking to the side of the house where she had heard his voice, ‘YOU ARE THREE HOU—what’s wrong with Paul?’

Bella couldn’t help but suppress a giggle at the sight in front of her. Jacob had just walked out of the wilderness, bare chest, carrying Paul in his arms. _Ah, screw it_ , she thought as she started laughing.

Paul turned bright red.

‘He broke his leg, Bella. Do you mind if he just sits down somewhere until it heals?’ Jacob said, suppressing a small giggle himself.

‘Ah, yeah, sure. Come in!’

‘Jake, just put me down. I’ll wait here until Sam gets here.’

‘What’s Sam going to do?’

‘I don’t know. But it’s better than going in there – that place reeks of blood sucker.’

Jacob rolled his eyes. ‘You’re coming inside,’ he said firmly. Jacob carried him inside, setting him down on the couch. ‘Now, just rest your leg until it heals, and shut up.’ Jacob snapped.

‘Can I get you guys anything? Something to eat? Water?’ Bella said sweetly, trying to catch Paul’s eye. He huffed, refusing to look at her.

‘Don’t worry about him,’ Jacob rolled his eyes, ‘he’ll be outta here once his leg heals.’

‘Okay,’ Bella said absently, thinking of Edward.

‘Sorry, I’m late Bella. I’ve had the worst morning.’

‘Oh yeah? What happened?’

‘Well, I broke my nose for starters.’

***

As he thought it might, Jacob’s day had taken a complete 180. This is why he loved Bella. In a nutshell. No matter how crap he was feeling, Bella always seemed to make him feel better. He felt his sunny attitude creeping back, as they talked about music, and pasta, and chocolate, and trees. Paul, meanwhile, had since found the remote and was channel surfing.

Paul sniffed. He sniffed again. Louder and harder. ‘Eugh, the leech is here,’ Paul called from the lounge room in a disgusted tone.

 _Great_ , Jacob thought to himself. Why did fate hate him so much? Stupid Edward.

The doorbell rang. ‘Come in!’ Bella said eagerly. She ran from her seat at the kitchen table, out into the hallway before throwing open the door and lunging open armed at Edward. He laughed, pulling her in and caressing her hair. Jacob rolled his eyes.

‘JAKE, CAN WE GET OUTTA HERE?’

‘Is your leg better?’ Jacob called back.

‘I think so!’ He heard a muffled scream. ‘Not quite!’

Bella and Edward mozeyed into the kitchen. ‘Hello, Jacob.’ Edward said politely.

Jacob avoided eye contact. Seriously, why did fate always have to kick him in the balls like this?

Edward rolled his eyes at the thought.

Paul limped into the kitchen. ‘Seriously Jake, broken bones or no broken bones, I don’t want to be in this house with the filthy bloodsucker.’

Jacob gave Bella an uneasy look, mouthing ‘I’m sorry.’

‘FUCKING HELL, JAKE! HOW CAN YOU FUCKING STAND TO BE IN THIS HOUSE WITH THAT REEKING LEECH! IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING WE ARE!’ Paul growled.

Edward snarled. Paul looked him dead in the face. He growled back, shaking. Jacob could tell that he fighting the phase.

‘For god’s sake everybody! Why don’t you all just leave!’ Bella cried out.

Paul looked at her. His face went white, as if all the blood had suddenly gone missing from his entire body. His eyes widened. Bella raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you okay, Paul?’

Edward looked worried, and then confused. Very confused. Hell, Jacob was confused. But then Edward caught his eye, and something even weirder happened. He went cold. His heart starting pounding in his chest, so much so that he could hear the blood in his ears. The wind was taken out of him. His world went dark, cracked; and when the light got in, it was…

_No, no, no. Fuck! Did I just imprint?!_

He looked at Paul. Paul looked at him. Both with horrified expressions. Paul ran out of the house, phasing as he jumped out the door, not even bothering to take off his clothes.

‘What’s imprinting?’ Edward asked confusedly.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. After a moment’s hesitation, Jacob ran too. Phasing as he bolted straight for the tree line.

He was so fucked. How could this happen?! Stupid imprinting. Stupid Edward. STUPID PAUL! STUPID PHONE! STUPID NOSE! FUCKING STUPID DAY!

...and, now his pants were gone forever. Stupid pants.


	2. at the end, you were always mine

_…At the end._

_Honey, you say that I’m cold,_

_And sometimes I’m out of control._

_Baby, you know how I am._

_At the end,_

_You were always mine._

_\---  
_

Jacob ran through the forest, his mind racing as he weaved through through the forest. However, for all the thoughts slamming rushing in and out of his head, his mind was surpisingly blank. He barely even noticed the thoughts of his pack mates in his head, calling out his and Paul’s name, trying desperately to get their attention. He picked up his pace, heading in no particular direction until he reached a cliff side. He stopped and took a breath, allowing all the thoughts that he had been pushing away to flood his mind.

Had that really just happened?

_JAKE!_

Had he just imprinted? Had Paul just imprinted?

_PAUL!_

Had he just imprinted on his mortal enemy?

_JAKE, PAUL, ANSWER ME!_

The love of his life’s boyfriend?

_JACOB BLACK!_

A leech?

_You imprinted?!_

Edward Cullen?

_Jake… you imprinted on the Cullen boy?_

Jacob sighed heavily. The name no longer brought that immediate revulsion he used to feel. Oh, it was still there. But it wasn’t as strong. It didn’t hit him like a bus, as it used to. The name… it tasted just a little like honey on his tongue. He groaned at that.

_Jake?_

Jacob heard Sam’s voice in his head. With a lot of effort, Jacob shifted the thoughts of Edward and imprinting out his head. They were heavy and hard to move. Like rocks. Rocks. God, he hated rocks. Reliving the moment where he slammed into a rock earlier that morning cleared his head like an enema. But as those thoughts left, his pack’s thoughts spilled in.

 _Jake… please answer me,_ the voice of his alpha sounded weakly through his head. He could hear the small worried thoughts of Seth in the background. Even quieter were Paul’s thoughts. He could barely hear them. He could feel that they were rageful and confused, but for the life of him, he couldn’t make out a single thought.

 _Yeah?_ Jacob replied weakly.

 _Come to Emily’s house. We’re starting the meeting early._ Sam’s voice was light.

_Can I skip this one? I might just hang here for a little while._

_NOW!_ Sam’s voice rang with authority. He felt his legs pick up and move, running in the direction of Sam’s house. _You too Paul!_

Stupid alpha powers. Whenever Sam used them, he felt like a headless chicken. Hm, chicken. He hoped there was chicken at Emily’s. He ran in silence all the way to Emily’s house, thoughtlessly suppressing the urge to scream and rip something to shreds.

***

‘Bella, you should eat something… you look really white…’ Edward said cautiously.

When she didn’t respond, he sighed. She had literally been staring out the door, where Jacob and Paul had taken off, for the past two hours. He wasn’t even sure that she was blinking; he could almost hear her eyes drying in the air.

‘Bella, come away from the door,’ Edward sighed. She didn’t respond. It was moments like this that he wished he could hear her thoughts. Seriously, what was going on in there? Sometimes he thought that maybe he couldn’t hear her thoughts, because, well, she had none. 

‘Bella,’ he started.

‘Paul imprinted on me.’ She said robotically.

Alas, hope! Edward jumped at the chance, ‘Yes! Now… what is imprinting?’

‘It’s a wolf thing,’ she replied absently. ‘And… Jacob… he imprinted on you?’

‘Apparently. What do you mean a wolf thing?’

She didn’t speak. She picked up a nearby chair and hurled it at the door, tripping over (Edward really wasn't sure on what) and falling on her face. Edward quickly picked her up off the floor and held her close to his chest. Tears streamed from her eyes.

‘I’m going to lose you, Edward! You’re going to leave me! FOR JACOB OF ALL PEOPLE!’

Edward couldn’t help but laugh. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

‘He’s impotent! For you!’ Bella squealed breathlessly. Edward narrowed an eye curiously. Luckily for him he spoke fluent Bella and translated this to actually mean _‘He imprinted! On you!’_

‘He imprinted on me, yes. But why does that mean I’m going to leave you? I would never leave you, Bella. I love you!’ Edward tried desperately, trying to get to the bottom of it all.

‘And Sam loved Leah but he still ended up with Emily!’ She wailed.

Lost for words and completely and utterly confused he decided to just hold Bella tightlyr.

She sighed. ‘Imprinting is this thing that happens to wolves. When they imprint, the person they imprint on becomes their entire world. They live and breathe for them. Sam and Leah were a happy couple until he imprinted on Emily. He loved Emily so much that he broke Leah’s heart, even though he hardly knew Emily!’

‘Bella, you’re being irrational. I’m not going to run away with Jacob. First of all, I sort of really don’t like him, and secondly, I’m not gay. We’ll get through this Bella. If you remember, Paul also imprinted on you. We have eachother. Everything will be okay.’

Edward knew nothing of imprinting, especially what it meant to be _imprinted on_ but he was furious. And maybe that was irrational, because obviously Jacob wouldn’t choose to imprint on him when he could’ve just easily decided to imprint on Bella. But nonetheless: furious. And he couldn’t forget disgusted, that was definitely running alongside the anger. He just hoped that Carlisle would be able to shed some light on the subject.

‘How could he do this to me?’ Bella whispered.

‘Sorry?’

‘Jacob. My best friend. He imprinted on my boyfriend!’

‘I’m sure he didn’t mean to, Bella,’ Edward replied. He didn’t know why he was defending Jacob, as he may or may not have just crapped on everything. However, he really just wanted Bella to stop crying.

‘I don’t ever want to see him again.’

‘What about Paul?’

‘Oh yeah, him too.’ She replied quickly.

***

The smell of hot cookies filled the air as Jacob approached Emily’s house. Maybe if he ate them all in one go he would go into a diabetic coma and die, leaving all this imprinting business behind. He couldn’t think of a better way to go than with a stomach full of Emily’s cookies. He drooled at the thought of the cookies. What a fun word. Cookie.

_I think I might join you._

Jacob jumped at the sound of Paul’s voice. Why hadn’t he noticed him? He supposed he was just too deep in thought.

 _Those cookies are mine, Paul,_ Jacob growled playfully.

_Hey, I imprinted too!_

_On a human girl, Paul! I imprinted on a fucking 80-year-old blood sucking man!_

There was a pause. _Hm… fair enough. I’ll split the cookies with you 60/40._

Jacob didn’t have to see Paul’s thoughts to know that he meant that Jacob could have the 40% of the share. He rolled his eyes.

They ran the last kilometre in silence. They reached the tree line and phased. Jacob sighed, ‘I forgot that my pants exploded.’ Cursed pants.

‘Me too,’ Paul sighed.

Stark naked, they meandered lazily down Emily’s driveway, neither one of them wanting to verbalise what had just happened, let alone to their alpha.

They reached the door, and rang the bell. Sam answered with a weak smile. He looked their naked forms up and down, before rolling his eyes. ‘I’m guessing you were in a rush?’

‘Nah,’ Jacob replied, ‘we just love the feel of the wind on our junk.’

Sam shook his head. ‘Come in,’ he said with a dramatic sigh, ‘I’ll find you something to wear.’

Jacob strutted in to the house. He was proud of his body, so dammit, he was going to strut.

‘You are such a douche,’ Paul rolled his eyes.

He looked at Paul, who had a hand over his privates. ‘Hey man, I’ve got no size issues. I’m more than happy with what I’ve been blessed with,’ Jacob smirked.

Paul narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth to speak, before getting hit in the head with a towel. Jacob laughed, before he too was hit in the head. ‘C’mon,’ Sam said gruffly, ‘Emily made cookies.’

Jacob wrapped the towel around his waist, following Sam into the kitchen.

‘Douche,’ Paul whispered.

Jacob laughed.

 

_12 Cookies Later_

‘…and then I suppose we just made a break for it,’ Paul said uneasily.

Sam nodded. Emily offered them a weak smile and then another cookie, which Jacob happily accepted. As amazing as the cookies were, they had done little to settle the uneasiness in his stomach as he and Paul had regaled Emily and Sam with the details of their imprinting. It was a difficult feeling to explain… there was definitely a lot of anger in the mix: mostly directed at Edward – he would never have imprinted on him if he had just died 80 years ago like he was supposed to. Then there was disgust. That was an obvious one. But as much as Jacob hated to admit it, through all these negative feelings circled just a bit of desire, and yearning to be complete: to be around his imprint. But that just brought him straight back to anger.

Sam rested a hand on each of their shoulders. ‘I’m afraid you two have only one choice, and that is to be part of their lives.’

Paul scoffed, ‘fat chance. I’m not going anywhere near that clumsy leech-loving train wreck.’

‘Shut the fuck up, Paul,’ Jacob sighed.

‘Oh, fuck off Jacob. If you wanna go root that undead prick, then that’s your prerogative, but I’m not going anywhere near the swan girl, and that’s my choice,’ Paul yelled, standing up to look down at Jacob as he said it.

‘Don’t talk about Ed—Bella like that that!!!’ Jacob shouted, standing up, ready for a fight.

‘Sit down!’ Sam commanded.

They both sat, looking at Sam attentively. Even though they weren’t phased, it had become almost second nature -- almost reflexive -- to listen implicitly to Sam. Stupid alpha powers.

Sam looked at the both of them with narrow eyes, before continuing. ‘Paul, you’re going to have to be part of her life, and not for her sake – for yours. You don’t feel it yet, but pretty soon it’s going to be unbearable to be away from her for too long. It’s going to hurt. Physically and emotionally.’

‘Doubt it,’ Paul said coolly.

Sam sighed, looking up at Emily. She smiled at him, kissing him softly on the cheek before wandering off into the kitchen to start another batch of cookies. ‘The hurt could kill you, Paul.’

Paul pretended to pick lint of his towel, ignoring that last statement. Sam sighed again, shaking his head at Paul. ‘Jacob, as of this moment, I am officially declaring Edward exempt from the treaty. He, and he alone, will be free to cross the border whenever he likes.’

‘Sam! You’re not seriously going to let a bloodsucker come onto our land just because Jacob stupidly imprinted on one! He’s gonna stink up the place!’

Jacob growled at Paul, though he couldn’t honestly say that it wasn’t because Paul had just offended Edward. ‘Yes. I imprinted on him on purpose, Paul. I though really hard about it, strained, crapped myself a little bit, and then WHAM, I imprinted. You moron.’

Sam shook his head at Paul. ‘It’s my decision to make. You seriously have absolutely no idea how it’s going to feel to be away from Bella, Paul. Especially when the full moon rolls around,’ he snapped, looking across the dining room and into the kitchen where Emily was.

Paul and Jacob raised an eyebrow.

‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. This is definitely a very difficult situation, given that Bella and Edward are a couple and that Edward is a lee—vampire,’ Sam corrected himself. ‘But we’ll get through it. Together. Remember that you can only be what they want you to be.’

Jacob sighed. He didn’t want to get through it. He just wanted to pretend that it never happened, and go back to being an average wolf with an average silly crush on a stupid girl – not a guy, and not a vampire. He just wanted to run away from it all…. Maybe the further away he would get, the less he would care and think about it. He could open up his own store. And sell cookies. Seriously, such a fun-sounding word! Cookie.

Jacob decided that Mother Nature, or the imprinting Gods, or Spongebob, was a massive douchebag. Why in the fuck would they make Jacob imprint on Edward, his mortal enemy, when Bella was standing just a foot away. And who should imprint on Bella? PAUL! PAUL OF ALL PEOPLE!

‘Jacob?’

‘Huh? What?’

‘I said that you and Paul should go home and rest. I’ll tell the rest of the pack and the Elders when the meeting starts at 6.00.’ Sam said kindly.

‘Gee, thanks.’ Jacob sighed, getting up and walking to the door. ‘Thanks for the cookies, Emily!’

‘No probs!’ Emily called back, ‘Take care, Jake!’

He stepped outside and looked out at the forest. It would be just so easy to run away. He could phase right now, and be out of the reach of Sam’s alpha powers in little under 20 minutes. He grumbled to himself, and then phased, starting the run back to his house.

What was he supposed to tell his father? What was his father going to think? You know what, fuck his father. Fuck them all. He didn’t have a choice on who he imprinted on, so he refused to deal with the sympathy and the disdain and the pity. Fuck pity.

He reached his house, but he didn’t enter. He looked out at the forest once more. He could be free. He could run away. He wouldn’t ever have to deal with Bella’s hate, or his pack’s taunts, or his father’s drawn out sighs and disdainful head shakings. He could run where the wind takes him, and let nature envelop him. He could howl to the moon and never look back, and be… free.

He looked at his house, and then the forest. And then at his house once more. Run… or fight? Run or fight. Run. Fight.


	3. come away little lamb, come away to the water

_There are no guarantees in life,_

_Not for the present, nor for the future._

_All I know is that I’m here._

_Don’t know for how long._

_I love the way you live so intensely,_

_Enjoying every minute of life,_

_With space to swing your arms around,_

_Laughing loudly._

 

Although Jacob had gone to bed well over five hours ago, he had not slept a wink. And he wasn’t sure why that phrase made sense… but people said it, so you know. His mind would just not stop tossing and turning. The thoughts inside his head were _consuming_ him; eating him alive. Why couldn’t he stop them? He just wanted them to stop.

Edward was, of course, the central thought. The mere thought of his name made Jacob’s heart pound with longing, which, in turn, made his mind race with anger and disgust. He did not love a leech. He did not want to be friends with a blood sucker. He certainly didn’t want the undead prick to fuck him. No, no, no… no. Yes? NO! He didn’t want that. He just wanted to sleep, and maybe for just a few hours forget about the whole day.

His father had taken it surprisingly blankly… big shocker there. His father had just shook his head and sighed, un-muting the TV and returning to his stories. Thank whatever, for small blessings. He could only imagine what Leah thought about it all. He could see her doubled over with laughter, with that intermittent guilty look smeared all over her face. Seth probably thought it was cool… though he also thought glad wrap was the best thing to ever happen. Then again, glad wrap was pretty cool.

Jacob rolled over and looked at his clock. 4.30. Great, the sun would be coming up soon. He groaned to himself when his mind crept over to thoughts of what Edward would usually be doing at this time of the morning. _He’s probably snuggled up close to Bella_.

Jacob swung out of bed, his mind frantic with desire and revulsion. Disbelief painted his face: how could a mere thought of Edward and Bella lying together in bed rip such deep a hole in his chest? His breath quickened, as he willed the thoughts to silence. But they didn’t. They raced. _Edward is Bella’s. Bella and Edward. Edward and Bella. And Bella Edward. Bella Edward And. Bella is Edward’s. They love each other._ A love that he would never feel. Good. He never wanted to feel it. He wanted nothing from that bloodsucking douchebag. Jacob dropped to his knees and screamed, throwing his fist through his bedroom wall. He got up silently. Almost robotically, he strapped some clothes to his ankle before crawling out of his window into the cool, invigorating breeze that was the night.

He embraced the cool wind against his bare chest. The heady smell of trees and soil and life filling his nose. This is what he wanted. This. Not Edward. He phased, immediately bolting for the tree line.

_Hey Jacob!_ Seth’s voice breezed through his head, _What’cha doin’?_

_Clearing my head,_ Jacob lied. He supposed that he had made up his mind. Fuck fighting. He was running.

_WHAT?_ Seth said aghast, _No! You can’t!_

_I’m coming with!_ Paul stated, _Where are we goin’?_

_DON’T GO! PLEASE!_ Seth pleaded, his voice desperate.

It broke Jacob’s heart… but he couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t. He just _couldn’t_. _I’m sorry, Seth…_

_NO! NO! JAKE! PLEASE!_

He felt Paul’s mind growing closer. _Paul, you’re not coming with me._

_Sure I am. Paul will be tamed by no imprint. Paul is a free man._

Jacob rolled his eyes. _Paul is a douchebag._ There was something just so… so fucking annoying about people who referred to themselves in the third person _._ _Seriously, you’re not coming with me! I sort of really don’t like you, Paul! So just fuck off._

_PAUL! JACOB!_ Seth yelled, between choked tears, PLEASE! PLEASE! DON’T GO!

_Sorry Seth, brah,_ Paul said cockily.

With a heart full of ache, and no destination in mind, Jacob sprinted off into the night, with Paul in tow. The further they got, the smaller Seth’s thoughts got – until the tears, and the pleas, and the yelling diminished into darkness… and silence.

_I’m sorry, Seth,_ Jacob whispered.

***

Leah sighed happily. Alas, the last dish had been cleaned. ‘I finished the dishes,’ she smiled at Emily.

Emily stopped what she was doing and let out an exhausted sigh, ‘Next time Embry and Quil decide to make nachos without a plate, and melt cheese all over my new bench top… I’m going to castrate them.’

‘Boys.’ Leah rolled her eyes.

‘Wanna sneak a smoke with me?’ Emily grinned devilishly.

‘Oh... why not? I’ve been good this week.’

Emily buried her head under the sink, emerging 10 minutes later with a packet of Marlboro Reds.

 ‘That’s an elaborate hiding spot,’ Leah chuckled.

‘It’s the only place where Sam can’t smell them – under a floor board, under the sink, surrounded by harsh chemicals.’

‘Doesn’t he smell them on you?’

‘Oh, I only have one a week. And I scrub the entire top layer of my skin off in the shower afterwards. And he’ll be out talking to the Elders for a while, so I got plenty of time,’ Emily replied absently, groping under the fridge for… what was she doing?

‘What are you doing?’ Leah giggled confusedly.

‘The lighter is somewhere under here…. Just gotta… erm… AHA!’ She pulled the lighter out, beaming at Leah, ‘Let’s go!’

Leah followed the older woman out onto the deck. Emily looked about suspiciously, before passing a cigarette to Leah and lighting her own.

‘Ah… this is what happiness is about,’ Emily said peacefully, after a long inhale.

Leah fired up her own and then took a long inhale. She closed her eyes, as her head spun just a little bit. It had been quite a while since her last cigarette.

‘So, what do you think about this whole Jake, Edward, Paul, Bella thing?’ Emily asked curiously.

Leah sighed, ‘I don’t know. I mean, it’s not as if they could have helped it… but it’s just going to be difficult for them. Especially Jake… He’s having a pretty hard time trying to make sense of it all. I hope he’s going to be okay.’

‘He’ll be fine,’ Emily said through a cloud of smoke, ‘he’s tough. He’s a survivor.’

‘He’s impulsive and stupid,’ Leah barked, almost automatically.

Emily frowned at her.

‘Well, he is!’ she continued quickly, ‘he’s always doing stupid things and getting himself into trouble.’ Though by the end of her sentence, Leah wasn’t quite sure that she believed what she was saying. Sure, Jake was rude and snarky and abrasive… but he was also quite level-headed. ‘In any case – and I can’t believe I’m about to say this – I hope he and the leech can be friends.’

A door slammed. Emily’s eyes widened in horror, as she immediately tossed the cigarette into a nearby fern. ‘Crap,’ she whispered in disbelief.

‘Relax, it’s just Seth. Wait… Seth?’

‘SAM?’ Seth cried out. ‘SAM!’

‘He’s not here,’ Emily hollered, throwing Leah a confused look.

Seth walked outside to where the girls were pretending not to smoke. Tears were still running down his stunned face.

‘It’s Jake and Paul… they’re gone. They ran away.’

‘Whuuutt?’ Leah growled. ‘See, Emily? STUPID!’

Later, Leah realised how freaky it must’ve looked when the fern containing Emily’s cigarette burst into flames at the exact moment she screamed ‘STUPID!’

***

Bella was finally asleep, which may or may not have had anything to do with the drowsy anti-histamines that Edward had dissolved in her milk. Okay, so he drugged her. But anyone would have done the same. After the whole imprinting thing, the girl was a wreck. And inexplicably clumsier – somehow, and again, Edward had no idea how – she had managed to break four lamps, a door and a sink just by walking up a flight of stairs. And that’s not even the worst of it – she had narrowly avoided breaking her face, her back and her arm, after opening the fridge. How? You’d have to ask someone that was omniscient.

He sighed. He should go home and tell his family what had happened. God, he hoped Rosalie wasn’t home. He could see her reaction now… that whole doubled over with laughter, snorting like a pig thing.

It didn’t take him long to run back to his house. When he was a few kilometres away, the smell of roast chicken plagued the air. Clearly, Esme was practicing her roasting skills for the next time Bella came over. He reached the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Although he didn’t need to, he took a big long dramatic breath before turning the bronze doorknob and stepping inside.

‘Wassup, douche-nozzle?’ Emmett greeted him.

Edward squinted at him. ‘Douche-nozzle? Really?’

‘Yeah?’ Emmett looked confused.

‘What the hell does that even mean?’

‘All the kids are saying it, Eddie. God, you’re so uncool, dawg.’

Edward looked Emmett up and down, before raising an eyebrow. He was wearing a silk tracksuit with a giant clock hung around his neck. Oh, and a cap. Backwards. A backwards cap.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but decided at the last moment not to. He didn’t want to touch this one, especially not after hearing Emmett’s thoughts. They didn’t really make much sense – something about skeeting, and bitches, and caps busting. He shrugged, walking up the stairs to Carlisle’s office.

‘You’re hiding something.’

Edward spun around, coming nose-to-nose with Alice. He took a step backwards, eyeing her with confusion.

‘Edward Cullen! Why has your future gone intermittently dark?!’ Alice yelled suspiciously. She looked around the room, gathering her thoughts, before turning back to him with furious eyes. ‘Do you keep planning on dying, then living, then dying… and then living, just to fuck with my visions?’

Edward sighed – if only his life were that simple. ‘No, Alice. I’m not that bored, unlike Emmett apparently.’

‘INORITE!’ Alice screamed shrilly, barely containing her high-pitched squeaky laughter. ‘You should see Rose! She’s totally sporting the apple-bottom jeans and the boots with the fur…’

‘With the fur?’ Edward asked seriously.

‘Yah!’ Alice giggled, ‘the whole club was looking at her!’

For some reason Alice starting singing in her head. If that was a reference to pop-culture, Edward didn’t get it. The story of his life. He sighed again. ‘Alice… Jacob imprinted on me. And Paul imprinted on Bella.’

‘Super,’ Alice beamed. ‘What does that mean?’

Edward closed his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to explain. He felt exhausted just thinking the words. Carlisle opened his door, and called out to Edward and Alice. They both travelled up to his office, where he ushered them inside.

‘Okay, Edward. What is imprinting?’ Carlisle asked curiously.

‘It’s a wolf thing…’ Edward started.

 

_4 Days Later_

 

Edward and Bella had been a bubble since the imprinting incident. They hadn’t seen, nor heard, from Paul or Jacob or any of the pack since that stupid afternoon. Edward thought that maybe he should have been concerned, but he wasn’t. He was sure that Jacob would come rapping at his door any hour now. Especially after what Carlisle had told him: that the wolves would need him and Bella to live. Edward and Bella were like oxygen to them now, as Carlisle had put it.

Maybe he was being selfish, but he just wanted to enjoy whatever imprinting-untainted time with Bella, while he still could. Because although he refused to let the imprint come between them, he knew that change was unavoidable. He was a realist.

Plus, the wolf was probably just being stubborn and refusing to admit that it even happened. Why was it Edward’s responsibility to make the first move – to extend the olive branch? Jacob was the childish one, not he.

‘Got any threes?’

‘Go fish,’ he replied lovingly to Bella, leaning over and planting a small kiss on her forehead.

She exhaled sharply, her face going white, before letting out one long, frankly embarrassing, school girl giggle.

Bella leaned seductively to pick up more cards.

‘You guys are so… so… gross.’ Rosalie rolled her eyes.

‘Ignore her, Bella. She’s just cranky because Esme and Alice confronted her about the whole Ghetto look she’s trying to pull off.’

‘Trying?’ Rosalie scoffed, ‘You haters be everywhere.’ Rosalie strutted out of the room, in her denim shorts and cut-off white singlet

‘Do you—‘ Bella started.

‘He doesn’t have any sixes,’ Alice said dully. ‘And he’s gonna win.’

‘Alice,’ Edward groaned. ‘We’ve talked to you about ruining games.’

‘Oh, sorry.’ She said oddly.

Edward raised an eyebrow. Her head was dark and silent. ‘Who’s future is that?’

‘Mine. Yours. Bella’s. Rosalie’s. It’s all gone dark.’

Edward closed his eyes, concentrating, ignoring the thoughts of his family, which was kinda hard, as Rosalie kept screaming ‘I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH’ in her head, probably just to piss him off. And then he heard it: the faint, angst-ridden thoughts of Leah. He thought maybe he could hear Sam, as well? Those thoughts were strong, but strangely silent.

‘The wolves are coming,’ Edward sighed. Vacation over. Bubble burst. It was serious discussion time. He’d been dreading this.

‘DO YOU THINK THEY’RE HUNGRY?!’ Esme wailed from the kitchen, ‘I’LL MAKE SANDWICHES!’

‘I don’t know!’ Edward yelled back, irritated.

‘CHECK!!!’ Esme pressed.

‘They’re too far away, I can’t tell.’

‘I’LL MAKE THEM JUST INCASE,’ she screamed excitedly.

Without speaking, the whole family came and congregated in the living room.

‘You don’t all have to be here for this,’ Edward sighed.

‘Of course we do, G,’ Emmett chuckled, ‘wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

Esme poked her head out of the kitchen, ‘Bella, would you like a sandwich?’

‘No, thanks, I ate before I came.’ She replied absently.

‘Of course you did,’ Esme replied through gritted teeth.

_Maybe she wouldn’t be so pale if she ate more than one meal a day from time to time?_ Edward heard.

They all heard the car pull up. Three doors opened and then closed and then there was a soft knock on the door. Carlisle strolled over and opened it, ushering their guests politely inside.

‘Thanks,’ Sam said gruffly.

Something was off. Before he could even read their thoughts, their body and language and their appearance hit Edward like a train. Well, not Leah. She looked scruffy and angry as always. But the light in Seth’s eyes, that distinct youthful optimistic fire was gone, replaced with sadness. Sam was pale, almost sickly looking. His once proud and firm posture and presence, had been replaced with a weak slouch – as if standing was taking up more energy than he had left.

‘What’s happened to Jacob?’ Edward said aghast.

‘What? What’s happened? Where is Jacob?’ Bella demanded.

Leah glared at her, ‘Jacob and Paul are missing. They ran away.’

Seth sobbed. Esme strolled in happily, apparently oblivious to the chilling words that were just spoken. She opened her mouth to speak, but didn’t, after looking at everyone’s horrified faces and seeing Carlisle shake his head quickly at her. She set her tray full of sandwiches down and looked at Edward expectantly.

But Edward couldn’t speak. If his heart could beat, he was sure that it would have stopped. Worry and shame gripped him. Carlisle had said that once an imprint occurs, wolves are dependent on that person for survival. How long could Jacob last without seeing Edward? As much as he disliked Jacob Black, he didn’t want Jacob’s blood on his hands. He would never be able to live with guilt. Shame. Worry. Anger. Anger at Jacob for being so stupid. Anger at everything. But mostly, anger at himself.

And as if to confirm Edward’s thoughts, he heard Sam mutter, ‘They’ll both almost certainly be dead within the next week if we don’t find them.’

Emse’s hand jumped over her mouth in horror. Carlisle paced. Alice panicked. Emmett looked thoughtful… Rosalie looked bored. He felt Bella squirm out of his embrace.

‘Edward! We have to find Jake! We have to find him!’ She said exasperated, tears welling in her eyes.

‘And Paul,’ Leah said pointedly to Bella. When Bella didn’t acknowledge her, Leah repeated herself, ‘And Paul!’

‘And Paul,’ Edward said robotically, to quell Leah. He hated to admit to himself that he couldn’t care less about Paul… not while Jacob was in trouble. Not while Jacob was in mortal peril because of him.

‘Let’s all calm down,’ Carlisle said peacefully. ‘Edward will find your brothers. We’re all going to help.’

‘Thank you,’ Sam said weakly. ‘We’ve been trying to track them, but… they don’t want to be found….’ He trailed off.

‘Edward,’ Seth said quietly, ‘Please find them. Please.’

Edward was too lost in thought to reply.

‘Don’t worry Seth, we’ll find Jake,’ Bella said sweetly.

‘AND PAUL!’ Leah screamed.

‘Bitch, calm down,’ Rosalie said bluntly.

‘Oh, you think this is a light matter? You think this is just normal afternoon conversation? Paul could be on his death bed, and none of you seem care!’

‘Who wants a sandwich?’ Esme intervened sweetly.

‘Oh gurrrl, don’t you be yelling at me! I’ll take you to the carpet!’ Rosalie screamed.

‘Rose, stop.’ Carlisle said firmly.

‘Oh, bring it on,’ Leah growled.

‘Leah!’ Sam yelled.

‘There’s egg salad, and ham, and chicken & avocado…’ Esme said awkwardly.

Rosalie stood up, screaming to the heavens, ‘IS YOU READY? HUH? HUH? IS YOU READY?!’

“SAM, HOLD MAH SHIT, HOLD MAH SHIT!” Leah screeched.

How could Edward have been so selfish? So stupid? How could he possibly have thought, even for a second, that this imprint had fucked his life more than Jacob’s. At some point, he thought he felt Bella kiss him on the cheek, and tell him that everything would be alright, that they would find Jacob. But he couldn’t be sure. His mind was too heavy with thoughts of Jacob lying somewhere in pain, calling out his name as he took his final breaths.


	4. running up that hill

_Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state._  
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake.  
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber,  
Until I realised that it was you who held me under.  
  
Felt it in my fists, in my feet in the hollows of my eyelids.  
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs.  
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone.

  
‘Sir? Sir? Sir!’  
  
Jacob jerked awake from his admittedly bizarre Florence + The Machine coma. ‘What?’ he replied testily to whoever was speaking. Who was speaking? He lazily craned his head upwards toward the voice. It belonged to a man, perhaps a little older than himself, with bushy brown hair, tanned skin and a name badge labelled ‘Jet’. And that was when Jacob remembered that he was in a diner.  
  
‘Did you want to order… or vomit… or seize… or something?’ Jet said oddly.  
  
‘Um… I guess, maybe… I’ll order,’ Jacob replied slowly, finding once again that his eyes seemed to be independent of his brain, and rolled straight back towards the darkness behind his eyelids.  
 __  
No more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in the garden.  
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love,  
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love.  
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love with the wrong world.  
  
‘Dude, do you want me to call you and your friend an ambulance? You guys look like zombies.’  
  
Jacob once again was awakened from his trance. Dude, I was really getting into that! He forced his eyes to roll over to look at the boy. ‘Just bring us some chips. With tomato sauce. And a coke!’ Jacob yelled, irritated. He remembered Paul, but was honestly too tired to even look at him. Knowing he was there was frankly enough. Jacob’s eyes began to slowly close when a truly grating voice snapped him awake once again.  
  
‘Look, I love this place. But I hate you. I hate all of you, you’re all terrible waiters. Like… It wasn’t the fact that I couldn’t have the pizza without paying for it, it was the fact that you were really rude about it!’  
  
Jacob’s eye twitched. He looked over at the counter, where a rather… robust… woman was waving her finger at the girl behind the counter. The girl behind the counter looked blank. Jacob did think that she was a pretty thing, with medium length red hair, big brown eyes and skin like porcelain. She was wearing a name tag which read ‘Suki’ and was smiling blankly at the woman through grit teeth. Jacob could see her eye visibly twitching.

  
The large lady stopped speaking, apparently allowing the waitress time to explain herself however the waitress merely held her stare. ‘Well? What do you have to say for yourself?’  
  
A moment passed, before the waitress let out an almighty roar and leaped over the counter, her hands aimed at the other woman’s neck.  
  
‘SEE! RUDE!’ The lady managed to screech out, before the waitress’ hands clamped down on her wind pipe as she madly throttled the woman in front of the cheering onlookers who had over-heard her irrational complaints. _(A/N: I had a very frustrating Saturday night)_  
  
Jacob laughed and felt some blood return to his brain, until his chest started aching from the laughter. He looked over at Paul, with a wide smile and then yelped, recoiling from the sight of Paul. ‘Holy hell, Paul! You look awful!’ And he did. He was thin, some of the large bones visible under his skin. And he was pale, as if he all the blood had been drained from his body. But what hit Jacob the most was his eyes – eyes that were once so fiery and angry, were now cold and blank. It was Paul’s body, but it was as if Paul had left the building, leaving behind a cold hard shell.  
Apparently, Paul didn’t even have the energy to retaliate to Jacob’s comment – he merely squinted one eye, the effort of which made him cough violently.  
  
It had been over a week since they had run away, with the hopes of being free. But they weren’t free. They were six states away, and still their bodies were chained to their imprints – slowly degrading, begging for them to return to Forks. Perhaps this was just a phase… maybe if they stayed away, their bodies would adjust and everything would be peachy again. Yeah… that’s probably it. And then Jacob’s body emphatically stated to him how painfully wrong he was by vomiting furiously.  
  
His chest heaved painfully and his eyes and nose began running. When he finally caught his breath, he looked at the mess… it was yellow, and green, and blue… and colours that probably didn’t have names -- ugh, nasty. ‘Oh God, that was gross.’ Realisation dawned on Jacob: _I can’t keep going like this._ ‘Paul, we have to go back!’  
  
‘What?!’ Paul said suddenly, ‘No, Jake! You can’t. We made a promise. We’re free men!’  
  
‘We’re not free – this is killing us!’  
  
‘Bumps and bruises, Jake. We’re fine.’ Paul said lightly, before coughing blood all over the menu.  
  
Jacob looked at him incredulously. ‘We’re going back.’  
  
‘You’re going back!’ Paul yelled, ‘I’m not going—‘ more coughing, ‘anywhere!’  
  
‘Paul, you heard what Sam said. We thought it was crap at the time, but we’re dying. We’re actually dying.’ The sentence hit Jacob hard, waking him up to the truth even more. He was dying. Actually dying. He didn’t want to die. He especially didn’t want to take his last breaths knowing that he died because of his need for Edward, with Paul harping on in his ear.  
  
 _Edward._  
  
He lost his breath. Fuck! He had managed not to think of Edward for two hours! A personal best. His legs and his heart, hell, every part of his body screamed at him to return to Forks. The wolf inside him hated him for not going back.   
  
At this point, he would give anything to talk to the bloodsucker. To touch him. To literally bend over backwards for him. But that was also the reason he didn’t want to return, he did not want to be a slave to his inner urges. But at the same time, he missed his family. He could see in his head, the whole pack, sleepless, worried and hoping for his and Paul’s return.  
  
He wondered absently about what Edward thought about all this. No, dammit! Every receptor in his skin ached for Edward’s touch. His lips burned for Edward’s attention. Jacob needed him. Maybe he could give the whole friendship thing a go? It’s not desirable… but it’s surely better than dying. It would be a half-life, as he knew that the wolf inside him would yearn for Edward and him to be something … _more_.   
  
But Edward probably didn’t care. He was probably snuggled up close to Bella, hoping Jacob would never return to fuck up their relationship. A sharp pain hit his heart. He couldn’t take it anymore. He wasn’t sure if he consciously willed it, but his legs threw themselves into a standing position.  
  
‘Go on, then. Go back to your bloodless lover.’ Paul spat… which was a very worrying shade of bright red.  
  
‘Paul,’ Jacob said softly, ‘please come with me.’  
  
‘No!’ Paul roared. ‘I won’t! I can’t!’  
  
Tears welled up in Jacob’s eyes. ‘Paul, please! We’re dying. I can’t stand you, but you’re my brother. I don’t-- I CAN’T just leave you here to die.’  
  
‘Just go, Jake. Seriously. Go.’  
  
Jacob stared at Paul for a moment, and Paul firmly held eye-contact. And then, without another word, Jacob left – his heart beating so fast he could hear it in his ears. _Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud._  
  
In the distance, Jacob heard the waitress yell. ‘Is that guy seriously not going to clean up his own vomit? THAT’S IT! I’M FUCKING TIRED OF DEALING WITH THIS SHIT! FIRST IT’S THE BITCH WHO SEEMS TO ENJOY COMING TO RESTAURANTS AND GIVING THE STAFF HELL BECAUSE CLEARLY, SHE HAS NO FRIENDS! AND THEN SOME THRILLER VIDEO REJECT GOES AND UP-CHUCKS ON THE FLOOR AND THEN LEAVES WITHOUT PAYING! I’M GOING ON MY CIGARETTE BREAK!’   
  
Jacob trudged through the snow and icy wind and began to worry. Lately he had felt his wolf heat beginning to wane and now he was so cold. Not to mention how tired he’d felt ever since he’d left Forks. God, he was tired. Tears welled in his eyes. He willed them to stop, but they kept going. _Oh my god_ , he thought _why can’t I stop crying? This is so queer!_ But he knew why they wouldn’t stop. That argument with Paul – that may have been very well the last time he would ever see Paul alive again. Because Jacob knew that if Paul stayed away from Bella for just another couple of days, we would surely die. _Thud, thud, thud._  
  
Jacob stumbled through the snow, heading for the nearest forest. With each and every step, he felt his extremities beginning to numb, until he could no longer feel them. He collapsed. He was just so tired. So… very tired. His breath began to slow. Thud, thud, thud... His vision began to blur. _Thud… thud… thud._  
  
Stupid Jacob.  
  
 _Thud… thud.  
  
  
  
_  
  
 _Thud._


	5. you make me wanna feel...

_Oh lonely hands grab my suitcase full of nothing.  
I don’t know why. I don’t know why.  
You took me here, and gave me something to believe in.  
I don’t know why. I don’t know why.  
You make me wanna feel.  
Things… I’ve never felt before.  
You make me wanna feel.  
Did I say I’m just a boy?  
Did I say I’m just a boy._  
  
\-- _Lonely Hands_ | **Angus & Julia Stone**  
  
Jacob swayed peacefully to the music. After ten minutes of searching for its source, he had just given up and started swaying. What else was he supposed to do? Plus, the source-less music was not the most prominent question on his mind at that moment. More prominently he was wondering... where the hell was he?  
  
He was in some sort of meadow, that much he could tell. It was sunny and flowery, with trees that stretched up to the clouds and threaded around one another like vines. The heavy, heady scent of nature was in the air, permeated with just a hint of… Emily’s cooking? Yeah, it was weird and he was over questioning it. In any case, it certainly wasn’t unpleasant – he supposed he could end up in worst places without an explanation.  
  
At least he didn’t feel like he was dying anymore. Wait, was he dead? Did he die in that snow? Was this heaven? His heart raced and his breathing quickened, but then something caught his eye just behind a tree on the opposite side of the meadow. Something shiny. He loved shiny things! He quickly stood up and ran towards it, but as he got closer the shiny object seemed to disappear. Flabbergasted, he continued running to where he had first spotted it.  
  
Unsurprisingly, the object hadn’t reappeared by the time he got to the other side of the meadow. He looked around suspiciously, narrowing his eyes curiously. Did he hear rustling? He guessed he must have, as a second later something tackled him to the ground.   
  
‘Edward?’ Jacob said happily. Oops. ‘Edward!’ Jacob yelled angrily.  
  
‘I caught you,’ Edward beamed back at him.  
  
Jacob found himself stunned, unable to move. He was flat on his back, lying the in grass, with Edward straddling him.  
  
‘What’s wrong?’ Edward asked, his smile unfaltering.  
  
If Jacob could have made Edward’s head explode with his mind, he would have done so. ‘Wha—What? What do you mean “what’s wrong?” Get off of me, leech!’ Jacob yelled. He willed his muscles to push Edward off of him, but they betrayed him, remaining limp under Edward’s grip.  
  
‘Are you still angry because Leah and I had that fight?’ He asked politely.  
  
‘What fight? What the fuck are you on about? Get! Off! Me!’ He screamed through grit teeth. He tried his muscles again… nothing. Oh crap, maybe he had died. And this was obviously hell.  
  
Edward gave him an odd look and Jacob gave up. ‘Ugh, whatever. You know… this whole glittering in the sun thing… it’s kinda gay.’ Jacob stated, in his lame attempt to continue his protest.  
  
‘Shut up, Jacob.’ Edward rolled his eyes as he pressed his lips to Jacobs. Jacob’s tried the head exploding thing again – nope. All the air was forced out of him, as the cold lips touched his own. Jacob was horrified when he realised that … well, his whole world was spinning. What disturbed him even more, was that he was enjoying it. Words eluded him, but he knew that there probably weren’t any to describe the way he was feeling anyway. Passion. Desire. Lust. Love? Dependence. A word that might insinuate that Jacob’s need for air was replaced with a need for Edward.  
  
He gave up, giving all that he had into the kiss. Deepening it, searching for more. Needing more. Edward’s kiss grew more forceful and enraged Jacob, he became overwhelmed and impatiently pulled Edward closer to him with a deep hunger. Edward was too far away. Jacob let out a frustrated moan when Edward suddenly pulled away and cut him off.  
  
‘Jacob?’ Edward said worriedly.  
  
‘What?’ Jacob replied, breathlessly.  
  
‘Jacob!’  
  
Jacob became curious as to why Edward’s voice had been replaced with Bella’s.  
  
***  
  
‘Jacob!’  
  
For reasons that he was initially unaware of, Jacob awoke with a short sharp scream – ‘GAH!’  
  
When his vision finally cleared, he saw the familiar faces of Bella and Edward –mere centimetres away from his face. Bella’s face was a mural of excitement, happiness, jubilance and relief – it was so bright, it was practically emitting a small buzzing noise. Edward’s expression was… it was of tiredness but also relief. With just a hint of smugness? What the fuck was he looking so smug about?  
  
And then the dream hit him like a bus. The meadow, the trees, Edward, the kiss… oh, the kiss. Jacob yelped again, furiously wiping the dream kiss off of his lips. As Bella threw a ridiculous hug around him, he thought he heard Edward let out a soft chuckle. _Fucking mind-reading leech_.  
  
‘Jacob! I’m so glad that you’re okay.’ Bella wailed, ‘I’ve been so worried.’  
  
Where the fuck was he? Was this Edward’s house? Was this Edward’s bed? Edward’s bed. The thought sent shivers of lust up his spine, melting his brain, making the wolf inside him purr with desire. He screamed again when he looked down to discover that there was a bit of a tent going on with the bed sheets. Oh, fuck modesty – there was a huge tent in the bed sheets.  
  
‘Don’t ever leave me again, Jacob Black! Or so help me God….’ Bella continued into his ear.  
  
Jacob flushed, his cheeks filling up with so much blood and heat that he probably could’ve fried an egg on his forehead. Jacob sat up and brought his knees up under his chin in a lame attempt to conceal his... tent.  
  
Edward chuckled again. ‘It’s okay,’ Edward whispered reassuringly, and just a little cryptically so that Bella wouldn’t catch on. _I hate him so much right now._ Stupid leech.  
  
Jacob’s thoughts were racing. He had so many questions, like how the fuck did he get here? Was he at Edward’s house? Did the rest of the pack know he was here? What had happened after he passed out outside the diner? And Paul. Where was Paul? Jacob’s breathing quickened. Paul. He felt tears begin to well up in his eyes again.   
  
‘Where’s Paul? Did he make it back? Is he alive?’ Jacob asked hurriedly.  
  
‘Sorry?’ Bella cocked her head quizzically.  
  
‘WHERE’S PAUL?!!’ Jacob screamed into her face.  
  
Bella recoiled, wiping what Jacob hoped was spit off of her face. Edward pulled her away from Jacob, a little protectively. Jacob’s screaming had either triggered an avalanche or a lot of running feet, as the house started to shake.  
  
‘He’s behind you, Jacob,’ Edward said gently.  
  
Jacob narrowed an eye, before turning over to find a shirtless Paul. Jacob wasn’t prepared to say that Paul was sleeping peacefully – frankly he still looked like shit, but there he was. Breathing. Jacob sighed with relief. But why was Paul shirtless? Why was Jacob shirtless? ….WHY WAS HE PANTSLESS?!  
  
‘Alice thought that you might catch a chill in your wet clothes,’ Edward replied to his unasked question.  
  
‘I’m a wolf – I don’t catch chills.’ Jacob said in a huff.  
  
‘I really couldn’t tell you if I wanted to. Alice had her reasons.’ Edward replied with a shrug.  
  
Jacob felt all the energy that he had had when he had woken drain out of him. He laid back on his pillow, feeling his head begin to spin with exhaustion. He heard what he now guessed to be many thunderous footsteps grow closer.  
  
‘Jacob… when I found you, you were colder than I am.’ Edward said solemnly.  
  
‘You found me?’ Jacob said weakly, feeling some blood resurface into his face.  
  
‘Just in the nick of time. You and Paul were both at death’s door when I found you.’ Edward replied.  
  
Bella gasped, apparently horrified. ‘OH, JACOB!’ She wailed again, throwing her arms wide open. Jacob rolled his eyes and tried to struggle away.  
‘Bella, no. Let him rest.’ Edward said seriously, pulling Bella away.  
  
‘Thank you,’ Jacob said wearily. Before Edward could reply, Leah’s voice smashed through the wall.  
  
‘BITCH, GET OUT OF MY WAY!’ Leah screamed.  
  
‘OH, IS WE ABOUT TO HAVE ANOTHA PROBLEM, SUH-LUT?’ Rosalie screamed back.  
  
‘YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM! YOU’RE JUST GETTING IN MY WAY TO PISS ME OFF! SO YEAH, WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM!’  
  
‘ROSE, STOP!’ Carlisle screamed.  
  
‘I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE CARPET, SKANK!’  
  
‘OH, I IS READY THIS TIME! SETH! HOLD MAH HOOPS!’  
  
Edward snarled and walked over to the door, opening it slowly. It practically exploded open, as Leah and Seth plus Edward’s whole family (minus Alice + Jasper) burst through. Unable to stop them all, Edward turned his attentions solely on Rosalie. ‘Get. Out.’ He snarled at her.  
  
‘E-DAWG!’ She said aghast.  
  
‘NOW!’ He screamed.  
  
Before departing, Rosalie shot Leah a foul look. ‘C’mon, Emmett. I’m bored anyway. Come get busy on me.’  
  
Emmett groaned, ‘But I wanna see the gay wolf!’ Jacob closed his eyes and tried to pretend he had not heard that.  
  
‘NOW!’ Rosalie screeched.  
  
Emmett hung his head, kicking the ground and mumbling something as he left the room. With Rosalie gone, the excitement of Jacob’s revival recommenced. ‘JAKE!’ Seth screamed excitedly, diving for the bed.  
  
Edward quickly snatched him out of the air. ‘Seth, don’t!’ Edward said seriously, ‘He’s still very weak.’  
  
Seth squirmed in Edward’s grip. ‘Leah,’ he gasped breathlessly, ‘help me! He’s too strong.’  
  
‘You’re on your own.’ Leah replied absently, walking up to Jacob. ‘Jake,’ she said seriously, leaning down to give him a soft hug, tears welling in her eyes. ‘Jake… I’m so glad you’re okay. But the next time you do anything like this again… I’M GOING TO FIND YOU AND RIP YOUR FUCKING TESTICLES OFF!’  
  
Jacob recoiled at the sudden rise in her tone and held up his pillow in defence.  
  
‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS? HOW WORRIED WE ALL WERE? INCLUDING YOUR DAD?!!’  
  
Jacob sighed and lowered his pillow at those words. He hadn’t though much of worried his Dad must have been. That familiar guilt crawled back into the pits of his stomach. ‘Leah,’ he managed to finally stutter out.  
  
‘WHAT? WHAT? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO SAY? WHEN SAM GETS HERE, YOU ARE GONNA BE IN SO FUCKED!’ In a huff, she quickly bent down to give Jacob another hug before storming out of the room, flipping her phone open.   
  
A long silence filled the air. ‘Would you like something to eat, Jacob?’ Esme said sweetly.  
  
‘Uh…’ Jacob said.  
  
‘I could make you eggs. Or bacon. Or bacon and eggs. With toast? Maybe with some grilled tomato? Mushrooms? Spinach? Hash Brown? Sausage?’ Esme said excitedly, putting an odd emphasis on the word sausage.  
  
‘Well… Yeah, sure. I ain’t gonna pass up some free eggs and bacon… and sausages... and all that.’ Jacob replied.  
  
Esme made a delighted high-pitched noise. ‘I love this boy,’ she said to Edward, her expression suddenly serious. She then dashed out of the room, but not before returning quickly to ask Bella if she wanted anything.   
  
‘Oh, no thanks, I’ve got gum.’ Bella replied politely.  
  
“Of course you do.’ Esme rolled her eyes at her irritably, before running back out of the room, screaming ‘CARLISLE! CARLISLE! RUN DOWN TO THE STORE AND GET ME SOME EGGS! MAMA’S GONNA COOK SOME BREAKFAST!’   
  
God, Edward’s family were extra strength weird.   
  
‘Has Paul woken up yet?’ Jacob uttered, feeling sleep starting to set back in on him.  
  
‘Not yet,’ Edward said quietly. ‘His healing hasn’t been as fast as yours.’  
  
‘Which I think might have something to do with the fact that my son hasn’t left your side since you got here,’ Carlisle piped in, rolling his eyes pointedly towards Bella.  
  
Jacob clued in. It figures that Bella had also not left Jacob’s side, and paid no attention to Paul. She was selfish like that. He saw Edward shake his head at him.  
  
‘It’s not like that,’ Edward replied to his thoughts.  
  
Jacob sighed. This whole mind reading thing was getting old fast -- and he hadn’t the energy to argue.  
  
‘Yeah, maybe if Bella sat next to Paul, he’d get better,’ Seth said brightly. ‘Seems only logical.’  
  
Bella was picking at her arm, apparently oblivious to what was being said.  
  
A moment passed.  
  
‘SIT NEXT TO PAUL YOU MORON!’ Leah’s voice broke through the floor.  
  
Another moment passed.  
  
‘You know what guys,’ Bella said all of a sudden, as if a brilliant idea had suddenly occurred to her. ‘Maybe if I sit next to Paul, he might get better.’  
  
Jacob rolled his eyes, before his world darkened again.  
  
***  
  
‘BITCH IS LUCKY I DIDN’T BRING MY BIG PURSE! NO ROOM FOR MY GUN!’ Leah roared. With a loud undignified snort, Jacob awoke and fell out of bed.  
  
‘Oh... what the fuck is going on now?’ He mumbled sleepily.  
  
‘LEAH, SITDOWN!’ Sam screamed, reaching his hilarious and unfortunate high pitched angry squeal.  
  
Jacob looked around the room. Yep, still Edward’s room. Still shirtless... and pantsless... oh, and Bella is starting at him. Hello.  
  
‘Hi,’ Jacob stated blandly.  
  
‘OH JACOB, YOU’RE AWAKE AGAIN!’  
  
‘You’re yelling.’ Jacob replied simply.  
  
He heard running footsteps. Greeaaaaat. What fresh hell was coming his way now? The door burst open to reveal a very angry looking Sam… who was shirtless. Why was his pack always shirtless?  
  
‘Jacob,’ Sam growled.  
  
‘Paul ran away too!’ Jacob yelled his defence, pointing in Paul’s shirtless direction.   
  
Paul made a sound akin to a quack, before rolling over and snoring deeply. Well played, Paul. Well played.   
  
From behind Sam peeked Edward. He looked a little worried, which made Jacob worried. Damn Bella, for revealing his consciousness. She would pay. Oh... he knew her fears. Two words: Mike Newton.  
  
Sam charged. Jacob could literally see that weird vein in Sam’s head throbbing. Jacob clawed his way back into the bed, pretending to act deathly ill so as to hopefully avoid a beating.  
  
‘Sam,’ COUGH, ‘no,’ COUGH, ‘...please.’ COUGH!!! ‘I am so weak right now.’ He coughed up some blood. ‘Oh, crap. That wasn’t meant to happen.’   
  
‘Oh, knock it off, Jake!’ Sam squeaked. ‘That’s just pathetic! I know you’re feeling better!’  
  
Jacob pulled the sheet up to his chin, shielding as much bare flesh as he could.  
  
‘Edward, Bella, could you give me a moment?’  
  
‘Actually, maybe they should stay... so you know... uh... there are witnesses!’ Jacob looked over at Edward, mouthing _help me_.  
  
Edward gave Jacob a weak smile, mouthing a really long sentence. Jacob stared at him confusedly and irritably, before scooping up a nearby shoe and pegging it at Edward’s head. Edward swatted it out of the air, throwing Bella over his shoulder and exiting the room.  
  
‘Edward, put me down,’ Bella cooed. ‘Oh, you’re so romantic!’ she laughed. It was like nails on a chalkboard.  
  
Sam slammed the door closed behind Edward and Bella. When he was sure that they were gone, he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. Obviously frustrated and angry, Sam started pacing the room, taking long and deep inhales of his cigarette every couple of seconds. He stopped, turning to look at Jacob sharply.  
  
‘Don’t tell Emily!’ He said sharply, pointing accusingly at the spot between Jacob’s eyes.  
  
‘Never,’ Jacob replied quickly. Clearly Sam had a lot to say. Jacob never actually once thought about how his decision to leave had affected Sam. Sure, they were brothers and what not, but Sam was a tough guy. You know… just one of those ‘Bitch, I’ma shit on ya’ head,’ kinda guys. If that made sense – it made sense to Jacob.  
  
The silence continued, but it wasn’t a comfortable one. The imposing anger loomed in the air, just looking for an excuse to crash down on him, so he stayed quiet. Time seemed to have slowed down – 1 minute felt like ten. And then Jacob realised that the clock wasn’t working. Fuck clocks. And fuck silence. And you know what: fuck Paul! Gassy prick.  
  
‘Sam,’ he started cautiously.  
  
‘NO! DON’T SPEAK!’ The vein in his head turned a worrying shade of purple, and threatened to actually separate from Sam’s head. ‘Jake... I... I don’t even... I can’t.... YOU SHITHEAD! I can’t believe you would run away!’  
  
‘And Paul.’ Jacob said indignantly.  
  
‘But you know better! I’d expect this from Paul, he’s an idiot!’ Sam shouted, waving his cigarette furiously around the room. ‘I mean, seriously Jake... are you some little bitch, who bitches out on his family just because of some stupid bitchy imprint?’  
  
‘Just because of some stupid bitchy imprint?’ Jacob growled. ‘Seriously? I IMPRINTED ON A FUCKING LEECH! WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE A DUDE!’  
  
‘Cry me a river, Jake! You can’t help who you imprint on, you’ve just got to roll with it. And believe me Jake, I know. I broke the heart of someone I deeply loved because of an imprint. But once I imprinted on Emily, that was it – no getting rid of it, no un-doing it. I just had to be with her. They’re cruel sons-of-bitches, but there’s nothing you can do about them. It’s never going to go away, and the sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be. You had a choice, to run or fight... and Jake, I never expected you to run.’  
  
Jacob felt as if the breath was taken out of him. Never in his life had he been called a little bitch in such a serious manner. Jacob Black was a fighter. He fought things! He even fought a wall once (and won... fucking wall). The tiredness set in on him again, as did the shame and the disappointment in himself. Sam was right... he bitched out.  
  
‘You’re gonna stay here until you and Paul are both better.’ Sam said firmly.  
  
‘What?! No!’ Jacob said aghast.  
  
‘Are you serious? Are you arguing with me?!’ Sam said in disbelief, violently crushing his cigarette in his hand.  
  
Horrified, Jacob gulped. ‘No, sir.’  
  
‘That’s what I thought! Leah and Seth will hang around in case you guys need anything.’  
  
‘WHAT?!’ They both heard Leah’s voice erupt through the floor. ‘I AIN’T STAYIN HERE!’  
  
‘YEAH, BITCH! YOU HAS BETTER RUN!’ Rosalie screamed back.  
  
‘OH, YOU THINKS I IS RUNNING? BITCH, I’MA STAY!’ Jacob sighed as he heard Leah click her fingers.  
  
‘OH THE HELL YOU IS STAYING!’  
  
‘OH BITCH, I’M STAYIN’.’  
  
And then they just started screaming “OH!” and “WHAT?” and “BITCH!” alternatively at each other.  
  
‘I HAVE A HEADACHE!’ Paul roared.  
  
Sam and Jacob looked at Paul in shock – he was fast asleep.  
  
‘... Anyway, I’m off. Important wolf business and all that.’  
  
‘Happy sex,’ Jacob smirked.  
  
‘Thank you, you too,’ Sam made a funny.  
  
‘OH FUCK YOU!’ Jacob screamed back at him, throwing the other nearby shoe. In a cloud of smoke, Sam laughed and then left. Exhausted from the argument, the darkness started to descend upon him.  
  
‘Are you okay, Jacob?’  
  
Jacob yelped in surprise. Standing in the doorway, through the haze of smoke was Edward. He looked a little worried, but mainly he just looked exhausted.  
  
‘I’m fine,’ Jacob stated, his tone suggesting that he was anything but.  
  
‘I’m sorry.’ Edward sighed.  
  
‘For what?’  
  
‘I knew you weren’t strong enough to deal with Sam, but I couldn’t deny him a visit. He is your alpha.’  
  
‘Whatever.’ Honestly, although he had expected that argument to be much worse, Sam’s words had still cut him deep. Parts of their argument still ran through his mind, taunting him.  
  
‘I don’t think you…,’ Edward coughed, there was a pause, ‘bitched out.’ There was another long pause. ‘Did I say that right?’ Edward asked hesitantly.  
  
‘Yes you did, grandpa. Good for you,’ Jacob said flatly.  
  
Jacob sighed and looked at him. He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach and the annoying whisper in his head that reiterated that he could never have Edward.  
  
‘Thanks.’ Jacob said plainly.  
  
‘I think you were just confused. Don’t beat yourself up about it too hard – I would’ve run too.’  
  
‘Comforting. Thanks.’ Jacob rolled his eyes.  
  
‘Well this is awkward! What am I supposed to say?’  
  
‘I don’t know, nothing… whatever… the weather?’  
  
‘It’s raining.’  
  
‘I noticed.’  
  
‘Was that good?’  
  
‘No, not really. You’re right, this is uncomfortable. I mean… you were the enemy for so long. Not only do I exist to hunt and kill your kind, you sorta stole my girlfriend.’  
  
‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ Edward chuckled lightly.  
  
‘Oh, fuck off.’  
  
‘Anyway, the point is: don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re back now, that’s what matters. And if you’re okay with it, I’m keen to make this whole situation work for everyone.’  
  
Too many thoughts were swimming through Jacob’s head – all of them conflicting. He needs Edward. But he hates Edward. He sort of likes Edward. But he hates Edward. Edward would probably look good shirtless. But he hates Edward. God, he wanted to fuck Edward. But he hates Edward. Why did he hate Edward?  
  
After a long pause, Jacob simply responded with ‘okay.’ And then his stomach rumbled.  
  
‘ARE YOU HUNGRY?’ Esme bellowed from the kitchen. Jacob flinched.  
  
‘I’m sorry about my family, Jacob. I know they’re a bit… full on.’  
  
‘What are you talking about? They’re amusing as, dude.’  
  
‘Amusing as what?’ Edward asked quizzically.  
  
Jacob sighed, ‘if we’re gonna hang out… you’re gonna have to learn some new words.’  
  
‘Like what? I have a perfectly comprehensive vocabulary.’  
  
‘Like swearing.’ When Edward didn’t respond, Jacob asked incredulously, ‘You swear, right?’  
  
‘... Nope.’  
  
‘Never?’   
  
‘Not once.’  
‘Well, you’re gonna have to learn!’ Jacob chuckled, ‘now repeat after me – fuck.’  
  
‘Fu—‘  
  
‘ARE YOU HUNGRY?!!’ Esme bellowed again.  
  
‘YES!’ Jacob yelled back.  
  
‘EXCELLENT!’  
  
Jacob turned back to Edward, ‘Go on!’  
  
He sighed. ‘Fuck,’ Edward uttered.  
  
Jacob clapped, ‘well done.’ Edward laughed, putting a hand on Jacob’s shoulder.  
  
A pause. Both men looked at the hand and shoulder combination, and then at each other, and then back at the combination. Slowly, Edward pulled his hand away, even though Jacob was sure he must have heard his thoughts explode with euphoria at the small platonic touch.  
  
‘I’ll give you some time,’ Edward said quietly. He turned and walked toward the door.  
  
‘Edward…’ Jacob began.  
  
‘Yeah, Jacob?’ Edward replied with a smile.  
  
Jacob sighed. _Just tell him to stay. Just tell him you want him to stay. YOU WANT HIM TO STAY.  
_  
‘Nothing,’ Jacob said finally.  
  
Edward raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you sure? I can stay,’ he replied knowingly.  
  
‘No.’ Jacob said flatly, ‘I think maybe I want to be alone for a while.’


End file.
